Is Divorce Really What You Need?

Just because you’re considering a divorce doesn’t mean divorce is what you really need. Divorce entails a lot of big decisions and serious implications, and it’s not a path to be undertaken lightly. You may be able to resolve your relationship issues short of divorce, and you should seriously consider your options before you resolve to divorce your spouse.

Can the relationship be saved?

The first question most people ask themselves when they’re considering divorce is whether or not the relationship can be saved. It’s difficult to answer this question impartially. Typically, in a divorce, one spouse believes the relationship can’t be saved, while the other believes it can be.

If you haven’t reached the point of deciding the relationship can’t be saved, hold off on your decision to pursue a divorce. Examine your options, and see what you and your spouse can do to salvage your relationship. A marriage entails a big commitment, and you don’t want to throw away all that work and shared history if you can find a way to make it work.

Are you and your spouse willing to undergo counseling?

Not everyone is willing to speak with a counselor, but counseling can make all the difference in the world as to whether or not a relationship will work. If you and your spouse are willing to talk with a counselor, you should do it. Counselors can give you an impartial third-party view of the dynamics of your relationship, and help you develop skills to communicate effectively and solve conflicts that some relationships lack; driving their members to divorce. If you can solve these communication problems with the aid of a counselor, you may be able to save your marriage.

Do you have kids?

Kids are a big factor in the decision of whether or not to divorce. The question of whether to divorce if you have kids is a tricky one. If you and your spouse are arguing constantly and creating a hostile environment, it’s not a good way to raise kids. However, if you and your spouse are still amicable, living together may be preferable for your kids than divorcing and splitting up. Ultimately, the question of whether or not to divorce is yours to make, and your kids are only one consideration in the equation. But many people site kids as the reason they stay together, and it’s worthwhile to take a look at the situation from your kids’ perspective when you’re considering a divorce.

Can you endure a post-divorce lifestyle?

Lifestyles change after a divorce. You won’t be coming home to someone every night. Your circle of friends may change. You may have to enter the dating scene again, at some point. And economically, most divorced individuals have radically different lifestyles with the loss of the extra income. Think seriously about whether or not you can endure a post-divorce lifestyle. If you’re not ready to shake up your way of life, you might not be ready for a divorce.

Divorce is a big, final step.

Think on it. Sleep on it. Don’t make a decision to divorce hastily. Divorce may be the best thing for your relationship, ultimately, if you and your spouse are simply no longer capable of getting along or interested in maintaining the relationship. However, don’t rush into such a decision unless you’re absolutely sure it’s what you want. Once you broach the topic, your relationship may never be able to recover if you decide it’s not what you want, so make sure you know if it’s what you want before you begin the process.