I was reading an article the other day about Rick Jones, former Triad Industries owner, his divorce, and his tax problems. When he and his wife Dorothy Jones divorced, Rick negotiated a settlement with the IRS to reduce the tax liability and sentencing. What he didn’t tell his wife is that she’d be expected to pay $1.3 million in tax penalties after their divorce settlement, even though he committed the income tax evasion and he negotiated the settlement without involving her at all.

This is an extreme example of the type of thing that can come out in a divorce. Rick intentionally left Dorothy in the dark about the tax scenario, but since they filed taxes jointly during their marriage, they were jointly liable for the tax penalties. She negotiated a divorce settlement with him without this knowledge, thus putting her in a very uncomfortable position financially. The sentencing still hasn’t happened, and their divorce and the tax situation is still up in the air.

Folks, this is one prime example of why you need an attorney to help you negotiate your divorce. Dorothy had a clause in her divorce settlement that protected her from being taken advantage of in this manner, so Rick was unsuccessful in negotiating a settlement and leaving her with the bill.

Whether or not you know all your spouse’s financial details, it’s vital that you have an experienced divorce attorney looking out for your interests and protecting you in the event that your spouse should attempt to spring something like this on you. And when it comes to taxes, if you file jointly, you’re jointly liable, even after your divorce. You need a good divorce attorney to get all these details ironed out so you don’t have to worry about it.

Beyond joint tax liability, though, divorce can expose you to other tax penalties, too. If you get support from your spouse that boosts your income up to the next tier, you may owe more in taxes. Additionally, if you sell a property and split the profit, you’ve got to pay taxes on that profit as income. Make sure you work with an experienced professional to protect you from all this potential trouble.

As a lawyer, I can tell you that people underestimate the importance of the role that insurance plays in their lives. Auto insurance, home insurance, life insurance and health insurance all provide vital protections against the disasters that befall the average American. Why do you need insurance protection?

Auto insurance provides many different types of protection.

Auto insurance is one of the least-considered and most-used types of insurance. Auto insurance provides vital protection in many different circumstances. If you’re driving a car and cause an accident, auto insurance pays the damages and typically provides for legal defense if you’re sued.

If you’re injured in an auto accident, auto insurance can pay your medical bills. And finally, if you’re driving a rental car or are the victim of a car accident, auto insurance can pay medical bills, lost wages and to repair your vehicle. All of this protection depends on the coverage you have, so explore your coverage to ensure you have enough protection for your needs.

Homeowner’s insurance protects your home from disasters.

Homeowner’s insurance provides vital protection for your home in the event of a disaster. Fire? Homeowner’s insurance will probably pay to repair or rebuild your home. Someone injured on your property? The liability portion of homeowner’s insurance will pay bills and protect you from a lawsuit.

Homeowner’s insurance is required by many lien holders, but make sure you have the coverage you think you have when you examine your homeowner’s insurance policy. Many homeowners’ insurance policies don’t cover Acts of God, and they may not cover flooding, either.

Health insurance is vital in today’s society.

Medical care isn’t cheap, and some states are now getting to the point that you’re required by law to have health insurance. Regardless of whether or not it’s mandatory in your state, it’s a good idea to have health insurance. Health insurance may be costly, but it saves you a lot of money in the long run if you have to have an unexpected medical procedure. Further, some health insurance policies cover voluntary medical procedures that might not be financially possible without health insurance, providing extra benefits.

Life insurance protects your family.

Finally, you don’t want to forget about life insurance. Many people feel they don’t need to worry about life insurance until later in life, but then find themselves in situations where a spouse or family member dies unexpectedly and there’s no life insurance. You should get life insurance equal to a year’s salary, and sufficient to pay off any outstanding obligations, such as home loans, student loans or other debt. It’s not something people typically think about until they reach a certain age, but you should plan for every eventuality so you’re not caught by surprise in the event of an unexpected accident or loss.

Some of you may have been following the story about the chairman of United Technologies, George David, who is in the process of getting a divorce from his wife, Marie Douglas-David.

George David is the former chief executive of UTC, and he and his wife signed a postnuptial agreement in 2005. Prenuptial agreements are far more common, and David’s wife is disputing the validity of the postnuptial agreement, saying she was coerced into signing.

Marie Douglas-David is asking for $99 million in the divorce, which isn’t quite a third of Davis’ assets estimated at $329 million. The postnuptial agreement that the couple signed in 2005 is valued at approximately $46 million; less than half the amount she’s currently requesting.

Whether you’re rich or middle-class, splitting assets in a divorce can be a tricky and contentious business. Even though this couple has a postnuptial agreement limiting a divorce settlement, she’s still contesting the agreement and asking for more.

No matter how well you think you plan ahead for an eventuality that everyone hopes they’ll never reach, things tend to come up in a divorce.

Maybe she’s angry at the circumstances of the divorce. Maybe she really was coerced, and feels that the agreement she signed is unfair. Or maybe she just wants more of his money. Whatever the reason, things like this happen to ordinary people, too.

Don’t be surprised by a divorce settlement. You never know what your spouse might request until the moment of truth arrives. A good divorce attorney can help you figure out what’s fair, and protect your interests, but you may end up giving more than you expected to give.

At least you’re not likely to face a $99 million divorce, though.

Regardless of your particular legal issues, one of the things that many people struggle with when thinking about lawyers is wondering why they’d need a lawyer at all. You might have an amicable divorce, or an insurance company may seem to be cooperative in the event of an auto accident. Unfortunately, these things are not always what they seem, and circumstances can change in an instant.

A lawyer looks out for your interests.

A lawyer is a person you hire who basically just looks out for your interests. A lawyer isn’t concerned about what the insurance company wants, whether your spouse is being cooperative or whether opposing counsel is trying to make implications about your case. A lawyer is simply concerned with getting you what you deserve in any type of legal situation, and protecting your interests.

Lawyers know the law.

As obvious as it sounds, lawyers know the law. They know legal precedent for different circumstances and scenarios, and can do legal research pertaining to the specifics of your case. When you retain a lawyer, you know you’re getting the maximum protection that the law allows, and that a lawyer will do everything within his power to make the law work for you. When you attempt to represent yourself, you may not be familiar with specific laws or specific legal precedents that would enable you to present your case in the correct light.

Lawyers have experience.

Experience counts for a lot in the legal industry. An experienced lawyer knows what he can expect for a specific type of injury, or a divorce settlement with particular assets. You can count on an experienced lawyer to give you a reasonable estimate of what you can expect from your case, and to deal with any issues that arise smoothly and reasonably. Experienced lawyers have seen practically everything, and have the right knowledge to pursue a case from the proper angle or with a specific legal precedent in mind.

A lawyer is an impartial observer.

No matter what type of case you have, you’re likely to be emotionally involved. A lawyer has the benefit of being an impartial observer. You may feel like your case is worth far more, but a lawyer can give you a realistic assessment of your case. Conversely, you may be told by an insurance company or other source that your expectations are unreasonable, but a lawyer can tell you whether or not that’s accurate.

Lawyers deal with things so you don’t have to worry about them.

The biggest benefit of hiring a lawyer is the fact that lawyers deal with things so you don’t have to worry about them. When you retain a lawyer, you’ll only have to deal with things that require specific information or your signature. Your lawyer communicates with the other party, handles all the legal details and documentation and generally prepares everything for your final approval. Hiring a lawyer takes you out of the hot seat, and sometimes that’s exactly what you need.

A divorce can be a traumatic experience, and it may be difficult to get your life back on track after you file a divorce. When you’re dealing with a long relationship and then a divorce, it may feel like you’ve lost a sense of identity, or even a piece of yourself. However, the wounds do heal over time, and you can do things to reclaim your life for yourself after a divorce.

1. Reconnect with your friends.

The number one thing you can and should do to reclaim your life after a divorce is to reconnect with your friends. Many people find themselves having very little interaction with friends during a difficult relationship or a divorce. You can use a divorce as an opportunity to re-establish those connections, and repair existing relationships or forge new friendships. Getting back in touch with your friends gets you out of your own head, and that’s a blessing during the early parts of a divorce.

2. Begin a physical activity.

Maybe you’ve gotten out of shape during your marriage and want to start working out. Maybe you’ve always wanted to take self-defense classes, or learn a martial art, or start running. A divorce is an excellent time to begin a physical activity. Physical activities require time, so you have less time to sit around and mope, and they release endorphins that make you feel physically good. Additionally, if you’re unhappy with your body image, a physical activity can help you get into shape and boost your confidence; two things that are particularly timely after a divorce.

3. Push yourself outside of your comfort zone.

A divorce is a great opportunity to start pushing yourself outside of your comfort zone and trying new things. Is there a certain type of food you rarely eat? Specific types of activities you never do? Look at your divorce as an opportunity to re-invent yourself, and try new things. It’s far too easy to get in a rut during the course of a relationship and a divorce, so intentionally pushing yourself outside of your comfort zone helps you break the rut, feel invigorated and learn new things about yourself.

4. Try a new hobby.

Most people have a hobby or two, and you may find that you didn’t have an opportunity to indulge your hobbies during your message. Look at a divorce as a good time to try a new hobby. Want to take up knitting? Stamp collecting? Scrapbooking? Cars? There’s a hobby for every taste, so consider different hobbies and see what you like to do.

5. Travel.

Many people don’t like to travel alone, but traveling alone can be one of the best things you do for yourself. When you travel alone, you don’t have to compromise about what you see, where you want to stay and what you want to eat. You can do whatever you want, whenever you want. Think of someplace you’ve always wanted to go, or someplace you’ve been and want to revisit, and go! Don’t be afraid of going alone; it’s one of the most liberating things you can do, and can help you really get in touch with the you who may have been overwhelmed during the course of your marriage. If going alone is just too difficult, take a friend, but get out and travel and remember what it’s like to enjoy your life.

In our last article about talking to kids about divorce, we explored the importance of being kind to your spouse, giving your kids a consistent routine, and a bit about how and when to begin the discussion with your kids. In this section, we’ll discuss some of the specifics that you should communicate, and the benefits of having a professional help you talk with your kids.

Consider a therapist to help your kids and your family cope.

Kids are naturally going to have a lot of questions and strong feelings about a separation or divorce. While you can help answer many of those questions and begin to help your kids deal with the overwhelming feelings, there’s a point when you may be too emotionally involved to be objective enough to help your kids, or when your kids may need help that would benefit from a professional level of intervention.

Don’t feel bad about involving a therapist to help your kids and your family cope with a divorce. You could all benefit from having a third-party help you work through some of the overwhelming feelings around a divorce, and communicate clearly in order to maintain a strong bond throughout the proceedings.

Be clear with your kids about your separation.

We’ve probably all seen the old movie “The Parent Trap.” Two kids of divorced parents plot to get their parents back together. While the movie took this sentiment to extremes, many children wonder if their parents will get back together, or try to convince them to stay together.

If you’re sure about your divorce, you must be clear with your kids about your separation and be firm about the divorce. Make sure they know that you and your spouse won’t be getting back together, but that you both still love the kids very much and will continue to be a part of their lives.

Make sure your kids know you love them.

The most important number one thing you need to communicate to kids over and over again during a divorce is that you love them. Make sure they know both their parents love them, and that you will continue to love them through the divorce and beyond. This is something that you can’t communicate too much, so don’t be afraid of saying it too frequently or overwhelming your kids with it.

Communicate to your kids that a divorce is not their fault.

Finally, you have to make sure your kids know that a divorce isn’t their fault. Children of all ages may wonder if they are the reason for a divorce, and you need to make sure they understand that a divorce is due to differences between you and your spouse, and not related to your kids. Remember not to abuse your spouse to your kids, and you don’t need to overwhelm them with specifics, but make sure they know that the reason you’re divorcing has nothing to do with them.

The decision to get a divorce is rarely an easy one, but it’s compounded by the difficulty of how to protect your kids during the divorce. Breaking the news to your kids is a daunting task, and it’s challenging to find the right way to do it that maintains sensitivity and still shows your children that you love them and will continue to love them regardless of what happens with the relationship.

Talk to kids sooner rather than later.

The prospect isn’t appealing, but it’s a good idea to talk to kids about divorce sooner rather than later. They’ll take time to adjust to the news, and it’s easier to adjust with both parents around and available to answer any questions and reassure them that they’ll still be loved and cherished. Further, it helps to tackle the process as a couple; an option you don’t have if you wait until the divorce is finalized or one of you moves out.

Be kind and friendly toward your spouse.

You should present divorce to kids as a mutual decision, even if it isn’t. You may feel hurt or mistreated, but your kids shouldn’t have to know that, and shouldn’t feel compelled to side with one parent over the other. Be kind and friendly toward your spouse during the entire divorce. Don’t abuse your spouse to your kids, and don’t abuse your spouse in front of your kids; keep heated discussions behind closed doors or out of the house entirely to avoid further traumatizing the kids.

Consult books with helpful language targeted to your children’s ages and understanding.

Kids understand and feel different things about divorce at different stages in their development. It may help to consult books with helpful language targeted to your children’s ages and development levels. For very young kids, for example, the book “It’s Not Your Fault Koko Bear” could be a helpful tool. You’ll also find plenty of other books if you browse your local bookstore, so consider utilizing these helpful tools to open a dialogue with your kids.

Provide a consistent routine to help reassure kids.

One of the best things you can do to help your kids weather a divorce is to provide a consistent routine for them. Children worry about their schedule; who will pick them up from school, who will take them to activities and with whom they’ll spend time in a shared custody arrangement.

Provide your kids with a consistent routine; don’t switch off with your spouse frequently, and make sure your kids always know where they’re going to be and who is responsible for picking them up. By providing a consistent routine, you’re communicating to your kids that they can count on some level of stability, and it helps them feel less threatened and insecure.

Continued in Part II

In part two, we’ll take a look at specific language you can use to talk to your kids, and messages you need to convey to ensure your kids understand the prospect of divorce and how it will affect them. Keep an eye out for Part II!

One of the most difficult things about planning for a divorce is putting together a budget for your divorce. Extracting your finances and dealing with a single income instead of a double income can be a daunting task, and it’s made even more difficult by the emotions that run high during a divorce. When you’re planning your divorce, sit down some afternoon and put together a budget so that you’re prepared to handle your finances post-divorce.

Start by taking an honest look at your income.

The first step to putting together a helpful and accurate budget is to take an honest look at your income. Don’t fudge the numbers, or base your income estimate on best-case-scenario but unrealistic estimates. Take an average of your past several months, assuming that there are no changes in your income structure. Don’t count on any income from the settlement, as you won’t know if you’ll have that income until the settlement is finalized and paid.

Evaluate your bare minimum living expenses.

After you’ve determined your income, evaluate your bare minimum living expenses. Don’t look at any voluntary expenses; look at the absolute bare minimum required for you to live. Consider housing, utilities, credit card payments and loan installments. Can you afford the bare minimum? Do you need to find ways to make these numbers change, by downsizing your housing or paying off credit cards to minimize payments?

Consider your voluntary expenses.

After you’ve figured out the bare minimum, take an honest, accurate look at your voluntary expenses. How much do you spend on entertainment every month? Cable television counts as entertainment. How about beauty items, or clothes? Is there a way you can cut back on these expenses, or can you afford them?

Budget for your eating habits.

Eating habits can be some of the trickiest items to pin down on a budget. Most people spend what they have. If you’ve got a choice between cooking what’s in the fridge, or an extra thirty bucks you won’t miss in the checking account, would you cook or would you go out to eat? Take a good hard look at your eating habits. Do you eat out more than you should? Do you buy expensive brands and things you don’t need at the grocery?

Consider ways you can cut back on your eating expenses, but be realistic. It’s not practical to expect you’ll never eat out; you’ve got to budget for a moderate amount of expense, or you’ll blow your budget every single month and it’ll be worthless.

Look at savings and retirement goals.

Finally, take a look at your savings and retirement goals. How much are you putting back every month to meet your financial goals? Do you need to save more? Can you afford to save more with your other expenses?

Be prepared to adjust your lifestyle based on your budget needs and indications.

It may be a simple fact that you can’t afford to live the same after your divorce as you did while you were married. Once you’ve put your numbers down on paper, you may see that you can’t afford your current style, and you’ll have to make changes. Don’t be afraid to make these changes. By taking control of your finances and dealing with the lifestyle changes head-on, you’re taking care of yourself and proving that you can establish a new life for yourself. Don’t avoid the challenge; embrace it, and you might find that your new lifestyle suits you.

The recession isn’t just bad news for homeowners and all of the people who have gotten laid off. The recession is proving to be bad news for couples looking to divorce. What does the recession have to do with limiting divorce?

The recession limits income, which makes divorce more difficult.

One of the most difficult things that many couples find when arranging a divorce is extracting their finances. It’s a fact that a couple together can afford more than single people apart. Couples tend to spend a smaller proportion of their joint income on housing than singles, relatively speaking, and splitting household expenses helps to reduce the costs. All of these costs add up quickly when you split, making it difficult to manage finances when you’re single that you’d take for granted in a marriage.

Because so many people are laid off or fear being laid off during the recession, many couples aren’t willing to take the plunge of divorce. Laid off individuals don’t have money for house payments, and if the couple is still on relatively good terms, typically the earner can’t justify throwing their former spouse out on the street.

And let’s face it: divorces cost money. You have to split assets. You should use a divorce lawyer to ensure you get a fair settlement. You have to pay for legal paperwork and filing documents in court. All of these things add up, and they’re expenses that many people don’t budget for in a time of recession.

Why you still need a divorce lawyer during a recession.

If you still want to proceed with your divorce but are trying to cut corners, you shouldn’t cut yourself short by not hiring a divorce lawyer. Getting a good, clear settlement is especially important during a recession. What if your spouse is employed now, but loses his job after the divorce is finalized? Who deals with the joint finances that your spouse can’t afford to pay?

If you hire a divorce lawyer in the first place, you won’t have to worry about any of these details; a good divorce lawyer thinks about all these eventualities and helps you divide things in a way that protects you. And when every penny is scarce, you can’t afford to skimp on a divorce lawyer and then find out you’re jointly liable for thousands of dollars in debt that you simply can’t afford to pay.

Most of you have probably heard about the popular reality TV show ‘Jon & Kate + 8.’ It’s a television show chronicling the life of an average American couple, Jon and Kate, and their eight children.

Children are a blessing, but they put a strain on every relationship. When they decided to have children, Jon & Kate discovered that Kate had fertility problems, so they underwent fertility treatments. Kate had twins, and then sextuplets.

TLC decided to do a reality show on the couple, highlighting the difficulties of raising multiple children. With eight kids, Jon and Kate definitely had their moments. As the show progressed, Jon and Kate fell under criticism for having suspected extra-marital affairs, and began legal proceedings for a divorce in late June 2009.

A reality show isn’t the best place to air your divorce troubles, but the types of issues that Jon and Kate are going through are primarily the same types of issues that every couple with kids faces when contemplating a divorce. How do you deal with custody? How do you ensure the welfare and happiness of your children? How do finances play out?

TLC says that Jon & Kate + 8 show will resume production in August. It will be interesting to see how they address the divorce issues on national television, and what sort of criticism they draw from other sources. Their case certainly isn’t typical for a variety of reasons; the 8 children, the reality TV show aspect of their lives; but people continue to watch it because they identify with the problems that Jon and Kate are facing.

The episode where Jon and Kate announced their separation and divorce drew over 10 million viewers. While reality TV does highlight occasionally irresponsible and unpleasant behavior, it also shows us something we recognize in ourselves. Jon and Kate aren’t alone as they deal with their divorce; they’re dealing with the same issues that thousands of couples face every day.

Let’s hope they get good lawyers, and that they’re committed to making sure the kids are treated well and suffer as little as possible.

While I’m a divorce attorney, it doesn’t please me to see divorce. My concern for my clients is to make sure they get the divorce managed fairly and they have their interests represented. In many cases, a divorce comes after a lengthy series of battles and disagreements, and both parties have agreed that a compromise can’t be reached. However, that’s not always the case, and I read an article today that prompted me to ask “do you really want that divorce?”

The Associated Press carried a story about a couple that was – get this – on their way back from the honeymoon when they decided to get a divorce. Apparently the newlywed wife was taking too long in the airport bathroom on the way home from the honeymoon, and her new husband got tired of waiting and decided to board the airplane home without her. When she got home, she filed for divorce.

Now wait just a minute, folks. In a situation like this, without knowing the full story, I have to say it sounds like they both overreacted. What man doesn’t know that a woman occasionally takes a bit of extra time in the restroom? Women like to look their best; especially with a new husband to impress; and it’s not uncommon for them to stop and fix their hair or makeup while responding to a call of nature. It’s a fact of life, and any married man (or even a man who’s been dating a woman for a long time) should be well acquainted with this fact.

On the other hand, the article doesn’t make it clear if the plane left without her, or if the new wife simply had to go join her husband on the plane. Sure, it was a rookie move on his part to leave her alone in the airport while he boarded the plane, but it’s not like he took her ticket or stranded her in a strange airport. She could easily go join him on the plane when she finished up, and then they could have spent the flight home discussing the issue and working to resolve it. Instead, it sounds like they both flew off the handle, and filing for divorce was a drastic way to vent her disapproval.

My point here is that you should stop and ask yourself if you really want that divorce. If you’ve been fighting for a long time, exhausted marriage counseling and truly believe that you can’t resolve your differences, then it might be time for a divorce.

On the other hand, if you have a single argument where one or both of you is overreacting, it’s probably a bit fast to pull the divorce trigger. Give it a little longer, and try to work through it. Every marriage has issues, and learning how to address them helps prepare you for your current relationship, and any future relationships you might have.

When you get a divorce, you’re dealing with piles and piles of paperwork. Every divorce involves a lot of legal language, address changes, name changes, account changes and culminates in a paper trail a mile long. In the midst of all those changes and all of that paper, it’s easy to overlook the need to make updates to very important documents.

Change your life insurance policy when you get a divorce.

Many people list their spouses as the beneficiary in their life insurance policies. When something unexpected happens, you want to know your family is taken care of. Don’t forget to change your life insurance beneficiary when you get a divorce.

Name another family member as the beneficiary, or set up a trust to benefit your children. Unless you want your former spouse to benefit from your life insurance policy, change the documents when you get divorced.

Update your will when you divorce.

Like a life insurance policy, most married people leave a large chunk of their estates to their spouses. When you get a divorce, don’t forget to update your will. You probably don’t want your former spouse getting a big cut of your estate, and you may want to name a guardian for your child in the event of your death. However, keep in mind that guardians named in wills aren’t legally binding on the court; consult a lawyer for details.

It’s especially important to update your will if your spouse is named as executor, as that means your spouse has the ability to dispose of your estate however he or she sees fit. Unless you’re still on really good terms, you’ll probably want to change that.

Change emergency contacts.

Maybe your spouse is your emergency contact at work, or at the doctor’s office. Maybe you just need to update the emergency contact list you leave for the babysitter. Regardless, don’t forget to update your emergency contacts, and adjust your former spouse’s presence as necessary. Your spouse probably should be notified if something happens to your kids, but you might not want your spouse knowing every little medical detail about your life, so make sure to update where appropriate.

Update personal information at school.

When you have kids, there’s even more paperwork you need to update when you get a divorce. If you and your former spouse have separate addresses and phone numbers, you’ll want to update the contact info on file at your children’s schools. If you’re sharing custody, make sure both you and your former spouse are on file. If you’ve got sole custody but want your former partner to remain an emergency contact, update the records accordingly.

Make a list of things you need to change.

All the necessary documentation and changes can be overwhelming. Don’t miss something important; sit down and write out a list of everything you need to update. Making a list will help you figure out if you’ve missed something, and you can also cross things off the list as you update them. Don’t let the important details fall by the wayside – be methodical and thorough when updating important documents after a divorce.

Whether you’re dealing with a divorce or a personal injury, you need to document everything in order to ensure that your case is thoroughly prosecuted. What does this entail? It’s not just about keeping copies of important letters; document everything means document everything.

Copy important documents for your lawyer.

Keep copies of every document that remotely pertains to your legal case. Copy medical bills; copy letters from insurers; copy letters from other attorneys; and copy any correspondence from the other parties in your case. Provide copies of all documents to your lawyer, and let him decide what’s important and what isn’t. You might assume something isn’t important, but it could turn out to be the single document that changes your case.

Take lots of pictures, and get them to your lawyer.

If your case has any sort of visual element, document it thoroughly through detailed photographs, and get copies to your lawyer. In a personal injury case, take photos of the injury itself, the place where the injury occurred, and any equipment, people or vehicles involved in the injury. If you can get these photos at the time of the accident, even with a cell phone camera – do it. If you’re dealing with nursing home abuse, photo document any evidence you have that abuse is taking place. In any context where visual elements would help your case, take plenty of good, clear photos and get them to your lawyer.

Documenting applies to phone calls, too.

While it may not be possible to physically record phone calls, you should document every phone call pertaining to your case. Keep a pen and notepad by the phone and make a note of the date, time and duration of every phone call involving your case. Get the names of the people with whom you speak. Make notes of important points during the conversation. Write down any confirmation numbers or important details. Provide your attorney with copies of these notes to better prepare your case.

Document everything to do with medical treatment.

Document all aspects of your medical treatment. Make a note of any medical care providers you see, and the date and time when you saw them. Get a signed HIPPA authorization to your attorney so he can request your medical records. Retain copies of any bills or letters you receive from the medical providers or from the insurance companies. Copy claim letters and even statements from your health insurance provider showing any medical treatment related to your case.

Whether your divorce is amicable or acrimonious, it’s far too easy to do things to shift the balance of power or get yourself in trouble during the divorce proceedings. Avoid giving your spouse the upper hand; refrain from doing any of these big no-no’s during your divorce.

1. Don’t involve the kids. At all.

Divorce is always difficult, but it’s infinitely more difficult when kids are involved. The most important thing parents can do for their kids is to protect them during a divorce. Don’t involve your kids in any aspect of the unpleasantness of a divorce. Don’t confide in them. Don’t try to convince them that you’re the ‘good’ guy and your spouse is the ‘bad’ guy. Don’t take them out of state, or refuse to let your spouse see them unless you’re absolutely concerned about their safety. Kids should never be a bargaining chip in a divorce, and they should never be used to manipulate your spouse.

2. Don’t make unreasonable demands.

If you’re unhappy about a divorce, it’s tempting to demand everything your spouse has just to get even. Or if you feel your relationship hasn’t been equal, you may feel entitled to more during a divorce. Regardless of your logic, don’t make unreasonable demands during a divorce. You probably should run any demands by an impartial third party; not a friend or family member who is looking out solely for your welfare.

By making unreasonable demands, you set yourself up for retaliation from your spouse, and you make your case weaker in front of a judge. Listen to your lawyer and iron out a settlement that works for both you and your spouse; don’t make it about a contest to see who ‘wins.’ Nobody ever wins in divorce.

3. Don’t correspond with your spouse about important disputes.

In an acrimonious divorce, it’s best to have as little contact with your spouse as possible. Even in an amicable divorce, it’s a good idea not to correspond with your spouse about any important disputes. Let correspondence come from your attorney. Anything you put in writing can be used against you in a divorce case, so don’t take the risk; just don’t correspond with your spouse about important disputes.

4. Don’t leave important documents lying around.

The second you or your spouse files for divorce, you must consider yourselves separate entities. Whether you’re still friends or your spouse is spoiling for a fight, you need to protect your own interests by hanging onto important documentation.

Make sure you have copies of all important documents stored in a location your spouse can’t access. The reasoning behind this isn’t to hide things from your spouse; it’s to protect your interests by preventing your spouse from losing or destroying important documents. Even a friendly divorce can turn sour if the wrong words are spoken, and it’s far too easy for a spouse to sabotage you if the only copies of important financial documents are lying around for anyone to manipulate.

5. Don’t spend more money.

Many people deal with unhappiness by shopping. While acquiring material possessions may help to temporarily quiet the inner voice of unhappiness, it doesn’t help your financial situation. When most people get a divorce, their financial situation changes, sometimes drastically. Save money for establishing your new household.

If you fear your spouse is going to try to get hands on your cash in a divorce, avoid the temptation to spend it in order to prevent your spouse from getting it. Consult your attorney about the best way to handle assets and avoid getting yourself into trouble in court during the divorce.

A divorce is not an easy thing to go through. Even if it’s a joint decision, you’re still dealing with a lot of painful emotions around the end of a relationship, and potentially a long-term partnership. If it’s not a joint decision, you may be feeling even worse. Unfortunately, it’s far too easy to let your feelings overwhelm all areas of your life, but it’s absolutely vital to avoid doing that.

Don’t let your divorce affect your job.

If you’re getting a divorce, you’ll need your job more than ever. Financial stability can help you plan for your future, and compensate for the loss of your spouse’s income. Losing your job creates a vacuum that can suck everything else into it, but hanging onto your job is helpful for more than just financial support.

Your job gets you out of the house every day. Your job forces you to get out of your own head and concentrate on something else for eight hours a day. For most people going through a divorce, this is a blessing. You might feel distracted, but try to concentrate on your work and leave your divorce at the door when you come in. You’ll find it’s a relief to escape the overwhelming feelings for a while, and taking care of your job is a good way to take care of yourself.

Take care of your personal life when you’re getting a divorce.

People deal with negative emotions in a variety of ways. Some people withdraw from all social activity and seclude themselves to be alone with their thoughts. Other people seek out their friends for comfort, and talk things through until they’re feeling better. Try to strike a happy medium with your social life throughout your divorce.

Your friends will be pretty understanding when you’re going through a divorce. They’ll listen with patience as you talk about things, but try not to overstep the bounds of their patience. Let them talk to you about things going on in their lives, too, and you might find that you enjoy the break from your troubles. Go out and do things with your friends, even if you only feel like sitting around at home alone. You’ll want those friends when the divorce is all done, so don’t neglect or abuse them while it’s happening.

Remember that your kids need stability.

You might be feeling extremely vulnerable and unhappy because of your divorce. You might want to talk to someone, and have a captive audience in your kids. Or you might be seeking to recapture something for yourself in a world that has been about your spouse and your family for years. As you go through your divorce, keep in mind that your kids need stability, and they need you to keep your emotions under control.

Try not to break down in front of your kids, or abuse your spouse to your kids. Don’t leave your kids alone while you go out with friends and party in an attempt to forget your troubles. Your kids need stability more than ever during a divorce, and it’s your job as a parent to provide it. Enlist the aid of friends and family if you need to, but make sure your kids know first and foremost that you love them, and that you’ll do what you need to in order to ensure their lifestyle is safe and protected.

Imagine this: you’re married for 18 years. You’ve got three beautiful children together. You’re committed to your relationship and your life; so committed that when one of you needs a kidney transplant, the other steps up and provides the kidney.

What happens when all that comes crashing down, and one of you asks for a divorce?

This happened to a doctor from New York and his wife. She needed a kidney transplant in 2001, and he gave her his kidney and saved her life.

When she filed for divorce in 2005, he asked for the kidney back, or its value, in the settlement – a value he estimates at $1.5 million.

Where to start with what is wrong with this?

Does this doctor really think he can gain anything by asking the Court to give him his kidney back?  Or maybe he thought such an outrageous offer would make the $1.5 million “alternative” seem reasonable?

Either way, this was a stupid argument (my three kids think stupid is a curse word, but no other word conveys exactly how I feel about this argument).  A gift is a gift, especially if it is permanently attached to your wife’s body!

So who is to blame for this?  I really don’t put much blame on the doctor.  Nothing in life can make you act like a fool more than affairs of the heart. The pain of lost love or betrayal makes normally smart people act like fools.

That’s exactly why you hire a lawyer! The lawyer is supposed to be an objective advocate.  A lawyer is supposed to stop you for doing stupid things like telling a judge (and the whole world) you want your wife’s kidney back.  So who do I blame?

I blame the lawyer.